See The Plan video here

When I was seven or eight years old we lived in a tiny two room apartment.*  There were only three of us so it could have been worse, but space was at a premium.  I’ve always been a collector of stuff; I had my little cigar box full of items accumulated over my short span of years.

I don’t know where the idea came from but I decided to open a store.  Our bedroom/living room window overlooked the alley from the second floor.  I scavenged a torn piece of cardboard, scrawled “Beth’s Store” on it, tied it to a piece of string, opened the window and lowered it to the alley.  I was in business.  That desire to sell things has been with me my entire life. I’ve had various shops that I loved.  Arranging and displaying items makes my heart sing.

A couple months ago the Lord gave me “The Plan”.  It was a concise simple blueprint for the life I needed to build.

See The Plan video here.

One item in that Plan was to “let go of business”.  That’s pretty clear, right?  Yet, somehow, I was only applying it to part of the “business” I was into.  For months I had been looking for an outlet in which to rent a booth to sell various items.  On a chilly Saturday morning my heart was warmed as I found the perfect place.

I loved everything about it, the location, the owner, the vibe, the space, the price. There was nothing I didn’t like; my mind shifted into go-mode.  I mentally arranged and rearranged my items, showcasing them with my personal stash of vintage linens and antique household articles.  I was flying high.

As the day wore on, the doubts assembled.  Was I going off the path? Did this fit The Plan?  Suddenly I was riddled with indecision.

I’m a strong proponent of personal revelation.  So, I felt comfort in knowing The Lord would provide my answer.

I fasted.  I prayed.  I waited.

Many years ago when my family and I first joined the Church my husband and I discussed serving a mission when we retired.  That thought surfaces now and again but my present circumstances and advancing age prohibit that from ever happening.  Sometimes I yield to woulda-coulda-shoulda and day-dream about what it would be like to go on a mission.

One evening during an intense mental wrestling match between the pro and con of renting retail space a powerful thought hit me right in my center.  I felt it with my whole body and mind.  The power was spiritual in nature and stopped me in my tracks.  I may not be able to serve a mission, but The Plan the Lord had given me was my mission.  And, if I was to serve this mission faithfully, I needed to follow that Plan religiously.

The Plan had no place for renting and managing a retail booth.  Yet, I persisted in thinking about that booth.  I continued to ask the Lord if it was the right thing to do.  I debated, disputed and discussed this issue with myself and my adult children. My husband and my son promptly and unequivocally voted no, but still I persisted in trying to get the Lord to agree with me.  I rationalized and itemized my reasons to go ahead with it.  At every step, I felt worse.  I felt confused.  I felt panic.     I wanted to do what I wanted to do and willfully ignored what the Lord and my family were telling me.

Then, my daughter sent me a text with a suggestion that I read a section in The Triumph of Zion by John Pontius** called Sacrifice.  She said it would give me a different perspective on my shop quandary.  That is putting it mildly.

I had only been reading a few moments when the Spirit of the Lord rested upon me.  I burst out crying and struggled to read all of it through tears.  The Lord wants my desire to have a shop as a personal sacrifice.  This may not mean much to you, but for me it’s huge.  To permanently give up a life-long desire is painful; it truly is a sacrifice.  I saw clearly and distinctly that The Plan had no place for a retail shop.

The pain of putting that dream on the alter is agonizing.  To you, reading this, it must seem almost trivial.  But, to me it’s heartbreaking.  I truly have a broken heart over it.  Isn’t that what sacrifice really is…a broken heart and a contrite spirit?  I believe the Lord will honor that sacrifice.  I believe He will bless me as I plow forth implementing The Plan as best I can.  Part of that Plan is this blog.  A blog for women.  A blog that honors The Lord.

What’s your plan?  What’s your sacrifice?